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Ask Aunt Sophie By: Judith Weizner
FrontPageMagazine.com | Thursday, February 10, 2005

Dear Aunt Sophie, 

You have no idea how degrading it is for a proud member of the Cherokee Nation to find himself writing to an “Aunt” for advice, as if any useful idiot of the capitalist establishment could offer anything remotely describable as “advice” to someone like me, a man who knows history and understands the depredations of the so-called government that purports to represent him. Nonetheless, because I reside in this hell called America, I have a problem that needs solving.

The colonialists who think they employ me at their so-called university also think they pay me well (a typical capitalist delusion), but this “pay” is barely sufficient to permit me to engage in my real passion, namely, trying to bring them and this “country” into a state of non-existence. Now there is a possibility I may lose this job, inadequate though it is, so I must swallow my pride and seek the counsel of a soi-disant advice columnist.


A few years ago, I happened to write that the so-called innocentAmericans (is one even allowed to think of these as two separate words?) who were at their so-called jobs in the so-called Twin Towers on 9-11 (am I the only one who has noticed that that happens to be the same as the number one dials for emergency assistance?) were little Eichmanns. I never said they were Nazis. Dare I hope you can grasp the obvious difference between an Eichmann and a Nazi?


Take, for example, the case of an 18-year-old secretary in an architecture firm. You might think her job is to put papers in files, answer the phone, seal envelopes, whatever. It seems like harmless activity, doesn’t it? But what does she actually do? That “innocentAmericansecretary” actually enables her employer, a cultural cannibal, to tear down old buildings whose foundations repose on the ancient artifacts of indigenous peoples, so he can erect a Starbucks or a Wal-Mart on the graves of my ancestors. And he can do so more easily because he does not have to put those papers into files, answer the phone and seal envelopes himself. So while this “innocentAmericaneighteenyearoldsecretary” does not conceive the policies that destroy, she aids and abets these policies, and, in her quiet little way, smoothes the way for the destruction of all the brown peoples of the world, of whom I am a three-sixteenths example. If she isn’t a little Eichmann, who is?


But I never called her a Nazi.


Well, you might say, what about the baby brought to work that day by her mother who was still breast-feeding? Very simple. The mother is a little Eichmann and that baby is literally imbibing her Eichmannessence with its mother’s milk. Someday it will become a little Eichmann. Simple concept, really.


So, dear “Aunt,” if you were a beleaguered part Cherokee, part Muskogee, part Meti, part Creek professor of ethnic studies, what would you do to see to it that the proles would be able to comprehend this unambiguous bit of intellectual honesty?


And what can I do to save my job?


3/16 Keetoowah, too



Dear 3/16,


I think the main reason you’re having so much trouble getting people to comprehend the subtlety of your contention is that most Americans, excluding the professoriate, have failed to keep their lobotomy appointments. But their kids are applying to college in ever-increasing numbers, so be patient.


For the life of me, I don’t see how anyone could imagine that comparing someone to Eichmann is the same as calling him a Nazi. Everybody knows Eichmann is remembered not for his Nazism but because he had a half-Jewish cousin. In fact he wasn’t even an anti-Semite because one of his best friends was Jewish. And Hitler lives in history as the irresistible German leader who loved children and dogs, sort of a veterinarian who liked to dress up like Santa Claus. How appalling that even educated people have been misled by this slander. Nazi, indeed!


Now let’s try a little thought experiment: You have rented an office in the World Trade Center because of the immense satisfaction it gives you to sit in the belly of the beast like Trichinella spiralis while penning scholarly articles exposing the horrors of the entire span of American history and even before, going all the way back to Adam and Eve, who were Native Edenians unjustly and excessively punished by some Old White Guy with a beard for stealing an apple. You prove beyond a doubt that America is the most corrupt nation on earth or anywhere in the solar system.


As you are pushing your chair back from your desk to hoist a cup of jimsonweed tea you notice a 767 heading right at you: Quick – should your obit describe you as a little Eichmann, an innocentAmerican, or collateral damage?


About losing your job – don’t worry. I hear CNN and the New York Times are looking for a few good Indians.


Good luck and God bless.

Judith Weizner is a columnist for Frontpagemag.com.

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