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Ask Aunt Sophie By: Judith Weizner
FrontPageMagazine.com | Thursday, September 22, 2005

Dear Aunt Sophie,

What do you think about a president who hates black people so much he uses a hurricane to kill them?


Of course, I’m serious.


First, he doesn’t pay any attention to the infallible science on global warming. And then he sets it up so there will definitely be a Category 5 hurricane aimed right at a city where 70 percent of the people are black. If this isn’t racial hatred, I don’t know what is.


But was he content just to point that hurricane in their direction and let nature take its course? No. After that Mother came and went, when he saw there were still black people alive in New Orleans, he had to see to it that they’d die.


Now he knew that the levees weren’t going to hold. Everybody knew. They’ve known for 1,800 years that those levees would not hold up. But instead of building up those levees, what did he do? He blew them up. That’s right. Instead of building up, he blew up. There’s no denying it. I know a very honorable and reliable man who saw them place the charge. They were very cunning because they knew how to place it so the black neighborhoods would flood but not the white ones. You see, they can’t let us live because they’re afraid that when the mother ship returns there will be too many of us for them to kill all at once, so they do it piecemeal. And what better way than to use the weather to do it? No forensics expert in the world would ever be able to prove it. Except that this one gentleman saw it happen.


This white devil is so cunning that when he was running for president he got elected by telling people that he wasn’t going to sign the Kyoto agreement. Every white person in America understood that was code for “we’re going to kill all the black people.” That’s why they voted for him. They’ve just been licking their chops. Well, now we know what really happened. And every black person knows it’s true.


You want proof? If you take the letters N-O-I, standing for Nation of Islam, you will see that they form three-quarters of the word “noir.” That means black in French. And three-quarters is just about the percentage of black people in New Orleans. And about three-quarters of the city is totally destroyed – the noir part of the city. And those levees were about three-quarters as strong as they needed to be. And three-quarters of President Bush’s family is female. And females are known to kill by poisoning. And that water they let into the noir part of the city is full of poison. That proves Bush is a racist murderer who hides behind his women’s skirts. He thought I was too dumb to figure it out, but I did.


What do you think of that!


Calypso Louie


Dear Louie,


Thank you for explaining what I’d mistakenly ascribed to nature’s indifference and government’s incompetence. But of course you’re right: racial hatred is a much more rational explanation.


I’m afraid the whole plot was a little more complex than the president’s simply ordering up a hurricane, though. A catastrophe of this magnitude takes years of planning. I understand that while he was still at Yale, young W was surreptitiously looking into ways to stall the building of floodgates. In fact, I guess that would explain his mediocre record – how can you get an A in English Lit when you’re pulling all-nighters poring over the dynamics of swamps. And of course he had to see to it that the levees weren’t going to be improved too much, but just enough so no one could say the levee boards hadn’t been on their toes. And then when Katrina started across the Atlantic from the waters off – Africa???? – he had to order Condoleezza Rice, John Bolton, Karl Rov,e and John Roberts to distract the Big Easy’s ever-vigilant populace from its customary preoccupation with tomorrow. And let’s not forget the date-rape drug he slipped the mayor and the governor so they’d forget about the school buses and the National Guard.


Do you see my point? A good biblical-scale calamity takes real work. And they say Bush is lazy!


I don’t know if you realize this, but if you take the letters N-O-I you will see that they form three-quarters of the French word “noix,” which means “nut”. It is also three-sevenths of “noisome.” Now seven is a mystical number – there are seven deadly sins, seven seas, seven dwarves. And the number three gets you three cheers, three Musketeers ,and the three R’s: ranting, rabble-rousing and race-baiting. There are thirteen letters in “Nation of Islam,” which is one less than two-times-seven, but one more than four-times-three, which means the NOI is either one more or one less than a full deck.


Please let me know when you figure out why the sky is only black at night. 

Good luck and God bless.

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Judith Weizner is a columnist for Frontpagemag.com.

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