A Baby Daddy for Both Americas
By: Ann Coulter
FrontPageMagazine.com | Thursday, July 31, 2008
The mainstream media really seem to imagine they can prevent Americans
from knowing information by refusing to mention it in newspapers or on
For those few Americans without an Internet connection and to whom I have not faxed the National Enquirer
stories: Evidence is accumulating that John Edwards is right -- there
really are "two Americas." There's one where men cheat on their
cancer-stricken wives and one where men do not cheat on their
To put it another way, it would appear that ambulances aren't the only things John Edwards has been chasing lately.
Last year, the National Enquirer broke the story about New-Age
divorcee Rielle Hunter, formerly Lisa Druck, telling friends she was
having an affair with Edwards and that she was pregnant with his "love
Who knew that "my father was a mill worker" could be
such a great pickup line? In his defense, Edwards had to do something
to kill time between giving $50,000 speeches on poverty.
the Enquirer is lucky Edwards isn't a trial lawyer! A sleazy carnival
sideshow trial lawyer wouldn't even need to start channeling unborn
children before a jury -- as Edwards did in the junk-science cases that
made him a multimillionaire -- to win a defamation case if these
charges are false. The "love child" allegation could be easily
disproved by DNA testing.
Which brings up a fascinating legal
question: Would it be admissible for Edwards to channel the very love
child at issue during such a proceeding? Reminiscent of his
performances in medical malpractice cases, he could say: She speaks
to you through me and I have to tell you right now -- I didn't plan to
talk about this -- right now I feel her. I feel her presence. She's
inside me, and she's talking to you, she's saying: "John Edwards ain't
When the National Enquirer story first broke last year, the
Edwards campaign denied that Edwards was the father, pawning the affair
off on an apparently very loyal Edwards campaign official, Andrew
Young. Like Edwards, Young was married with children, but also like
Edwards, Young is a Democrat, so it was possible.
not only has Young's wife not left him, but she was perfectly copacetic
with her husband's mistress moving into their gated community for the
duration of her pregnancy, and even joining her, Andrew and the kids
Back on Earth, that doesn't happen. The Edwards
campaign better start looking at its backup plan of claiming Nathan
Lane is the father.
It also didn't smack of innocence that the
Edwards campaign stripped Hunter's videos from the Edwards Web site
when the story broke.
Soon after Edwards met Hunter in a bar in
New York, the Edwards campaign began paying her more than $100,000 to
make "hip" videos of him for the campaign Web site. Unfortunately,
Edwards' hair stylists ate up most of the budget.
As Herculean a
task as it would be to make John Edwards look hip, the videos can't be
worse for the campaign than the Edwards staffer who said of the
Catholic church's position on birth control: "What if Mary had taken
Plan B after the Lord filled her with his hot, white, sticky Holy
Spirit?" So why did they take down Hunter's videos?
With the MSM
still pretending the Internet doesn't exist, last week the Enquirer
staked out the Beverly Hilton in Los Angeles after receiving a tip that
Edwards would be going there to visit Hunter and the love child, who
reportedly has her mother's eyes and her father's dramatic flair in
front of a jury.
According to the Enquirer, Edwards
entered Hunter's hotel room around 9:45 p.m. and left at 2:40 in the
morning. Seeing reporters as he left Hunter's room, Edwards sprinted to
a hotel bathroom and blockaded himself in until hotel security came to
rescue him. Even more suspicious, while Edwards was barricaded in the
bathroom, no one reported hearing sounds of a blow dryer.
asked about the Enquirer story at a press conference a few days later,
Edwards looked as flustered as Rep. Robert Wexler did after being asked
if he really lives with his mother-in-law in Florida while running for
office in that district.
First Edwards pretended to be
unfamiliar with the story, a preposterous pose even if the story were
false. Then Edwards dropped eye contact and said: "That's tabloid
trash. They're full of lies. I'm here to talk about helping people." He
couldn't have looked more guilty if he had broken into a cold sweat and
lit a cigarette. Britney Spears has responded more credibly to
questions about tabloid stories.
Meanwhile, the only way
consumers of the old media might ascertain that Edwards is embroiled in
some sort of scandal is that, starting last Thursday, his name was
summarily dropped from lists of possible vice presidential candidates.
If only Republican Larry Craig had been in the bathroom, the MSM might have covered it.
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