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What’s up, Doc? By: Julia Gorin
FrontPageMagazine.com | Friday, July 13, 2007

Well it looks like someone’s malpractice insurance just went up. I’ve heard of alternative medicine, but these exploding UK doctors are ridiculous. Doc, when your parents sent you to medical school so you could make a killing, they didn't mean literally. But when these guys majored in Pre-Med, they must have thought it stood for premeditated murder. I guess now we know why Arabs in Israel go to Jewish doctors.

Hearing that eight doctors were being held for involvement in the exploding-car and burning-doctor plot in the UK last week--and that 45 doctors were planning similar attacks in America--made me realize something: what an underachiever I am.

I mean, think about how talented these people must be. Terrorists are always doctors, dentists, lab technicians, engineers and so on. Given what a monumental undertaking medical school is--and the residency program!—I can only imagine the focus and dedication it takes to become a doctor. I wouldn’t be able to pass the MCATs, let alone get through years of medical school, then the finishing exams and the residency. Hell, I wouldn’t even be able to pass an audition to play a doctor on TV—even that seems like brain surgery to me because of all the medical terminology the actors have to pretend to understand. I can’t even find my way around WebMD!

But these terrorist doctors manage to do it all: major in medicine and minor in terror. I couldn’t multi-task like that! If I were trying to be a doctor and had to also think about running a terror business on the side, that would be the end of me. With doctors complaining that they don’t get enough time with individual patients as it is, how do these guys manage to fit everything into a day?

Something else that’s mind-blowing about this Dr. Terror trend is that after all those arduous years of study, all that sweat and toil, how do they just throw it all away and set themselves on fire the way those two doctors in the jeep did? God knows, if I spent the first 30 years of my life studying, I would value my life that much more—and get at least another 30 years out of it NOT studying. My biggest fear has always been to finally be out of school and then die soon after. But these people do all that hard work, then just let it go up in smoke.

What’s the doctor-terror connection, anyway? How does one veer off the medical path and think, “Hmm, I know I’m interested in healing people, but I’m also interested in blowing them up.” Then again, the Wall St. Journal described precisely this natural transition: 

In an entry about her childhood ambitions, among becoming a doctor, a photographer or an actress, [a 21-year-old dentistry student in Cairo] adds, "I dreamed that I was one of the mujahideen in Chechnya or Palestine, and that I was blowing myself up among as many enemies as possible so that I could be like the martyrs." 

Gives a whole new meaning to “Hollywood or bust!”  

I’ve seen a lot of Middle Eastern college students with their noses buried in medical texts over the years, and I’ve always tried to use mental telepathy to send them signals saying, “Please, please…stay focused. Don’t get distracted by jihad.” But from now on, as soon as I see an Arab with a medical text, I’m calling Homeland Security. 

What an American dream they pursue! Picture it: the young medical student calls up Mom from the college dorm and says, “I did it, Ma, I did it! I got through medical school--I’m a brain surgeon now! But it all means nothing--nothing, I tell you!--if I don’t have terror in my life.”

I guess for some people the American dream is a house, a picket fence, kids, a four-car garage, and a lot of dead neighbors. 

But this should give Muslim parents some pause. All that money they’re investing into medical school for the kid--only so he can blow himself up afterwards? Of course, some parents are on the same page as their kids. Whereas a Jewish mother might boast, “So my son the doctor…” a Muslim mother will often have more to flaunt: “So my son the suicide bomber--AND doctor...” 

Now I’m wondering about those cases we hear about from time to time, in which doctors remove healthy organs or incorrect limbs by accident. Is that really negligence, or are these doctors Muslim? Maybe all this time the limb-chopping was a Muslim thing and not a doctor thing?  

Commentator Cal Thomas recently got in trouble with CAIR (Counter-American Islamic Revolution) for saying that Islam is “a slow-spreading cancer that must be stopped.” But if he’s right, it means that not only can you catch an infection at the hospital, but depending on who your doctor is, you can catch cancer. 

In the wake of the doctors’ plot, a lot of people have been citing the Hippocratic Oath that all doctors take—“First, do no harm.” But as with all infidel customs, Muslims adjust it to make it their own. Just as students at Virginia’s Saudi Academy have added a little “inshallah” to the words “with liberty and justice for all” in the Pledge, so do Muslim doctors add a word or two to the Hippocratic Oath: “First, do no harm. Except to descendents of apes and pigs, the kufirs, dhimmis, infidels…”

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