On Wednesday, Oct. 9, the Invisible Faculty Network held a "teach-in" on the campus of University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill to discuss what event advertisements promised would be "Truly an alternative view of the U.S. War on Terrorism."
The forum, entitled "Terrorists Attacked America; Now, Let's Go Get 'Em," featured speakers from a range of backgrounds -- military and civilian, academic and activist. UNC-CH art professor Erin Ourfavor opened the forum with a few brief remarks and a slide show presenting her canvas renderings of "Terrorists America Needs to Bomb." Receiving the most audience applause was her collection of pop art entitled "War-Hole: Several Cans of Whoop-Ass."
Ourfavor talked about the vibrant arts community in New York City and the many people she knew that were personally affected by the attacks. "I want us to instill fear in terrorists," Ourfavor said.
Next to speak was Gen. Lee Hawkish, author of the book Get Your Head Out of the Sand and Fight Like a Man. Hawkish asked everyone in attendance to stand who agreed that the United States owed an apology to "the widows and orphans, the tortured and impoverished, the abandoned puppies, and the countless other victims of American imperialism, which is just like a fledgling Nazi holocaust."
After several stood up, Hawkish encouraged them to kick each other in the butts, hard and swift, for being so foolish.
"This war isn't about 'American imperialism,' you nitwits," Hawkish said. "Stop swallowing every load of Marxist propaganda handed you on a spoon and learn to think for yourselves. And don't do it for Gen. Hawkish; do it for your country."
UNC-CH anthropology professor Olga Klink, author of Fayettenam: A City Wronged, spoke of the time she spent in Fayetteville observing the military personnel of Fort Bragg. She said the attacks of Sept. 11 were "very similar to the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor, and anyone who can't see that is a blinking imbecile."
Klink also said that the "one thing I can say from the time I spent studying with the fighting men and women of Fort Bragg is that they are going to completely annihilate those terrorist bastards; you mark my words."
Following Klink, Stan Dup, author of Force for Good: A Guide to the World's Only Superpower, shared his expertise of military and world affairs. Dup praised the president for his stamina in setting U.S. policy towards the terrorists. "It's admirable the way the big guy can withstand all those nancy boys snivelling about how he's only doing it for Big Oil and American Empire and his Daddy; you know, the whole litany of flippant critiques from leftists who're still annoyed to find themselves saying the same thing about America as fascist Islamic extremists."
Dup issued a challenge to the students in attendance: "Don't let yourself get taken in by the captivating lies of the blame-America-first crowd. Ask yourself: Could this really be a conspiracy by the president to re-militarize the country? Is America really a terrorist nation, let alone the world's biggest terrorist nation? Can anyone really be dumb enough to buy that?"
After Dup, the NAACP's Curtis Ticked spoke. Ticked opened his remarks with, "First off, I'm not here to try to manipulate these attacks to fit into my racialist agenda. Screw that. Terrorist assholes just attacked our country, and it's time for us all to rise up as one people and go pop a cap in every last one of 'em."
Ticked explained that he planned to return to pushing the cause of black people in America "after we don't have to worry any more about getting our butts blown out of the sky by some foreign extremists. We all need some perspective around here, people."
Students at the event left with a favorable impression of it. "It sure was nice to get an alternative view of the attacks around here," said sophomore Justin Attendee. "Everyone else around here has been 'America, we suck, we're too rich and arrogant, we deserved it' and 'those towers blocked my view of the harbor anyway.'"
"Until today, I thought I was the only one on this whole campus who thought we [the U.S.] might actually need to respond to the attacks," said Ann Other, sophomore. "This forum has been a relief from all the candle-waving pansies I've had to step over on my way to class."
Chancellor James Moeser said his office had received several phone and email messages from outraged campus pacifists following the teach-in. "This campus firmly supports the First-Amendment rights of everyone, including those who spoke at the teach-in," Moeser said.
Even if the pacifists are upset, Moeser added, "it's not like they are going to do anything about it, now, are they? Yeah, c'mon Mr. Hate-America Pacifist, I dare you. Take your best shot, big guy. Hmph. Thought so."