This article originally appeared in PoliticallyRight.com. Read the previous article in the series.
I know conservatives exist in Hollywood; conservatives skulk around in the shadows of the night; they loom in the bookstores like film noir hoods, pausing at the "current affairs" aisle, where they can seek and occasionally find some of their favorite authors. Sometimes they are forced to peruse the sports section or cooking section, where these respected authors of the Right can often be found. Taken from their rightful places (by those who fearlessly dissuade others from reason), the books are hidden where they cannot damage the young, malleable, and, more often than not, addled minds of the apprenticing Left. (Better hidden, than burned in front of the Center for Free Speech, in Berserkerley). I discovered Larry Elders' book, Showdown, next to a photographic study of meatloaf and other comfort foods. I found Ann Coulter's Slander, next to Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. David Horowitz's books are usually stacked in "adult humor" or next to books about fish. When Horowitz published Hating Whitey, my wife tried to find a copy in Borders. The clerk, a thin man, who looked a bit like an Anglo version of Gandhi after binging on raw cookie dough, told my wife -- and quite snootily -- that they didn't carry books like that, unless they were special-ordered. We ordered twenty copies. When the books arrived, we told the store we only wanted one copy and they were forced to put the rest back on the shelves. We did that in ten bookstores. It's hard work being a conservative, and guerrilla tactics are sometimes necessary. But you can't win a fight without fighting, and "These are the times that try men's souls," as Thomas Paine so prophetically put it.
Being a conservative never has been easy in Hollywood. Being anything in Hollywood never has been easy. Now, things have been ratcheted up a notch and Hollywood is going after conservatives with frenetic bloodlust. Conservatives think that a war with Iraq is the only way to rid the world of the terrorist thug, Hussein, and to free a tortured and frightened people; that they may live their lives without the threat of being annihilated by that psychopathic clown with a hat fetish. Hollywood believes that UN inspection teams should go on forever -- like taxes, Route 10, and The Tonight Show. It believes that we are rushing to war; we believe that twelve years of broken resolutions are enough. Hollywood has forgotten about September 11th. Conservatives haven't. Hollywood is concerned that terrorists are being mistreated by America; conservatives are concerned that America is being mistreated by terrorists.
Hollywood hates conservatives. Hollywood hates conservatives more than Palestinians hate Jews, more than Stalin hated people who could read, more than any true Beatles fan hated Yoko Ono. Entertainment types are repulsed by conservatives. When they become aware of a conservative's presence, they slink back into the safety of their personal demons, visibly shaken: they don't know what to say or think. They don't understand how anybody could be so backward, barbaric and foolish.
Conservatives are decent human beings; we are basically harmless and simply believe in what liberals don't, and don't believe in what they do. But this is good, because aren't liberals always dancing around the maypole of diversity? Maybe so, but their maypole doesn't include anyone who voted for George Bush. Anybody who even thought about voting for George Bush, according to the Left, must be insane.
How could a person possibly believe that a poor child is better off wallowing in the cesspool of public education, rather than being given the choice of a better school, through vouchers? Naturally, this choice is not important to Hollywood because it is a rare celebrity, indeed, who sends his child to a public school.
Hollywood thinks very little of people who still believe the Second Amendment isn't "stupid ass", as "President" Martin Sheen railed on the television show, West Wing. They don't understand that the Second Amendment was put in place to protect citizens against tyrannical governments.
NOT ALL LIBERALS ARE LEFTISTS
A conservative asks not what his country can do for him; rather, he asks what he can do for his country. John Kennedy was not a Leftist. He was a Democrat. His anti-Communist vigor, his desire to cut taxes, and his ill-fated invasion of Cuba to overthrow Castro, were anything but Leftist ideas. A Leftist would have basked in the glow of Castro's cigar. The Cuban blockade was not a Leftist idea. Leftists have revised John Kennedy into their own image -- a sort of cartoon character of who they believe John Kennedy was. He certainly was closer to being a conservative than a Leftist. Tony Blair, one of the most courageous politicians to emerge on the present world arena, has put his political career in jeopardy, because he is steadfast in his support of the United States and President Bush, during these trying times. Blair is a member of the Liberal party; Like Kennedy, he is not a Leftist.
Tony Blair is liberal, but he is also a man of conscience. It is a unique liberal, indeed, who will endanger his political assets in order to do what he thinks is right. Bill Clinton would not do that. Jimmy Carter would like us to believe he would do that, but wouldn't. Tony Blair must be supported and applauded for being a principled individual. It is interesting to note that, before the threat of an impending war, the Hollywood Left loved him. Now, it is very rare to hear anyone from that sordid ilk support Blair. They will never support him again. Blair is finished in Hollywood. Conservatives are supporting Blair almost without exception. When was the last time you heard the Left support a conservative? Doesn't happen. Just as radical Muslims believe the U.S. is the "Great Satan", so the Left believes conservatives are the antichrist: immoral, and suffering from irreparable brain damage.
TED DANSON MAY BE RIGHT.
Now certain thespians are inserting into their works -- works that are increasingly becoming unpopular because people in the rest of the country have had enough -- messages that are about as subtle as a homeless man urinating inside a Starbucks. In The Life of David Gale, it is said that "most serial killers are Republicans". Ted Danson, on his show, compared the intelligence of Republicans to "other forms of lower primates." If this line were funny, even I would laugh. but this is a pathetic attempt to have his Leftist agenda heard by a captive audience...aided by a laugh track and an applause sign. The finest parody and sarcasm succeed at making people laugh, because they are based in truth. I suspect that most serial killers are apolitical. I do believe, however, that I am closer to an ape than to a Leftist star of a television sitcom. Maybe Ted Danson is right.
Our Hollywood friends, recently have been skipping along the cobbled streets of Paris and Berlin, telling people there how stupid and wrong our President is and how stupid and wrong the upcoming war will be and how stupid and wrong conservatives are. George Clooney came out with a good one when he said that we are not capable of winning any war, and that if we did go to war we would be damaged further by car bombs and terrorist acts. Could it be that George Clooney, the tough guy, is afraid of the bully? Or is he just trying to keep up his popularity rating? The entertainers are telling the French that America is wrong for wanting to go to war against Iraq and the French are listening (that is, when they are not eating horses and beavers). There are two or three old women who live in a thatched cottage, on the Normandy coast, who are grateful to us for saving their country from the jack-booted-Hun, during World War II. According to polls, in Europe, George Bush is less popular than Saddam Hussein. In France, George Bush is considered a threat to world peace. Miss France said that she would like to meet Saddam Hussein, for what reason, I do not know. Of course Ronald Reagan was also unpopular in Europe, even though he almost single-handedly smashed down the Berlin Wall. Would they rather have kept the wall up so they could have a surface on which to paint graffiti? The Left will be quick to tell you that it was all Gorbachev and his glasnost that brought down the wall anyway.
The other night, I went to dinner with several friends of mine, one of whom is a Buddhist Monk. At the hint of a political topic being broached, the subject was immediately changed into something less polemic, because it was feared that I would erupt like a zit on an otherwise perfect complexion. In fact, I think we were the only group, in this trendy restaurant, not talking about Iraq. My friends, knowing that I am a conservative, felt that, if I did have opinions, they couldn't possibly be of any relevance to the real world. Their only wish was that a giant tube of Clearasil would ascend from the heavens and vanish my thoughts from the face of the earth. This Monk is a wonderful person, yet I find she is extremely rude to waitresses; she happens to be a devoted Marxist and believes that capitalism is as evil as a member of the NRA, smoking in an SUV, while making fun of homosexuals.
The new slogan you see around town is, "Peace is Patriotic". Not when the peace movement is being used by Saddam as his fifth column. It is too late to negotiate with Hussein. We have American soldiers on the ground, right now, in harm's way, whether or not the war has started. Pilots are flying over Iraq every day and they are being fired upon. Going after Saddam Hussein with a vengeance, clearing out the rats, and foregoing any notion of a have-a-heart trap, is patriotic. Jews hanging from streetlamps in Baghdad, and Kurdish babies and parents, gassed and strewn about on the streets like so many beer cans, is enough for me. Let's go!
And that reminds me. My mother lives in Massachusetts where the weather, because of global warming, has been colder than Bono at a William F. Buckley cocktail party. She needs her oil and she's paying plenty for it. If we go to war with Iraq, and I suspect we will, the price of oil will go down and I think that's important, especially for senior citizens living in places like Massachusetts. Barbra Streisand is quick to declare that we must not go to war for oil. Sure, it's okay for her to say that. She probably burns through more number two, fuel-oil in two weeks, than my mother has burned in her entire life. I want my mother to get a break. I love my mother and I want her to be warm and toasty in her little house.
SURVIVE TO THINK ANOTHER DAY
Hang on to your hats, folks. When this war is over (in about three days) Hollywood is poised and ready-to-go with the death penalty cause. Hollywood will not be satisfied until all conservatives are driven into the sea. Just ask Danny Glover, who said that most people who were executed in Texas were black. I see. Texas is out to execute black people because they are black. Actually, more white people were executed in Texas, but not because they were white, rather, because they were vicious killers. There was also a sizeable percentage of Hispanics and several others, listed as "others". Larry Hagman, who, in his first year, dropped out of some little-known college, said that George Bush is uneducated. President Bush graduated from Yale and then went on to receive his MBA at Harvard. I don't care who your father is; an MBA from Harvard is something that is earned. And just in case we have negated the importance of nepotism, Hagman's mother was Broadway star, Mary Martin. Mary Martin, of course, starred as Peter Pan. Michael Jackson thinks he's Peter Pan and he sleeps with children -- something that he believes is perfectly normal. He also has a six-foot photograph of Bill Clinton hanging on his wall. But isn't that just like Peter Pan.
The other night, J.D. Cassidy, the editor-in-chief of Politically Right.com, sent me over to see The Jimmy Kimmel Show, because Jeanine Garofalo was a guest star. She didn't say much except that reality TV shows are a conspiracy by the networks to make celebrities look stupid, so that their opinions will not be taken seriously. On another occasion, Garofalo said that Hussein's atrocities peaked in the Eighties and he hasn't done much since. The invasion of Kuwait doesn't seem to mean much to her. Garofalo said that our true purpose is to go into Iraq and re-draw the maps in order to...uhmmm...I'm not sure. Too much Noam Chomsky, I suspect. Don't these people ever watch the History Channel? What these people don't seem to understand is that Iraqis want Iraq back (unlike Mexico, who wants our country back).
Being a conservative in Hollywood is like being dropped behind enemy lines with only a knife, wits, and the instinct to eat grubs, grasses and things thrown from moving cars. I know this is how it must feel to a lot of you. Have faith. Even though liberals believe they are right, with as much passion as you believe you are right, they are wrong. Keep eating grubs and "survive to think another day."