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Ask Aunt Sophie By: Judith Schumann Weizner
FrontPageMagazine.com | Friday, November 07, 2003

Dear Aunt Sophie,

I am the prime minister of a large Asian country.  It is about the size of your New Mexico and that makes me an extremely important person.  A few weeks ago, my country was the site of a big meeting of fellow Muslims (I happen to be of the Muslim persuasion).  At this meeting I made a comment about people who happen to be Jewish and a great commotion resulted, which just proves my point that the Jews have too much power.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.

What I said was that the Jews control the world by proxy.  They do.  They get other people to fight their battles for them.  Have you never noticed that wherever you have problems you will find Jews?  They are in the Middle East and they are certainly the cause of the troubles in Ireland. The ETA is also a Jewish front. California is full of Jews and look at the fires there! They make trouble everywhere they go.

They control every country.  I happen to know that Stephen Spielberg stayed in the White House.  Doesn’t that tell you something? They run every country in Europe and they pull the strings in New York and Florida. Even the premier of Japan has a Jewish hairdresser. If Hitler hadn’t been controlled by Jews, he would have won the war.  My personal theory is that the Jews hypnotized him. His Jewish doctor fed him some mushrooms that made him vulnerable to their evil suggestions. I know all about mushrooms. I am a doctor and I have researched this question and I cannot find a single other reason why Germany should have lost that war. And another thing – who was to blame for Arabs losing the wars of 1948, -56, -67 and -73?  The Jews! 

They have changed the course of history yet no one is allowed to offer benevolent criticism of them.  Why is it possible to call my country a third world nation when it is not possible to say Jews are the descendants of pigs and monkeys? 

To get back to the point – after I made my remarks many people in the rest of the world disagreed with me.  I have a theory about this, too.  I think it is because they are all Jewish. Just think about it for a minute. Blair – a Jew! Schroeder – a Jew! I dare you to prove otherwise. And Bush is definitely a Jewish name.

Everybody knows what happened on Sept. 11 was a Jewish plot.  Not a single Jew died that day.  Not one.  They put Jewish names in the papers to fool people, but the Jews really stayed home that day – and you know why?  They scheduled a primary vote in NYC for that day. Everybody knows no Jew will go to work if he can vote instead. That’s how they got the Jews to stay home. Did you know that New York has never had a non-Jewish mayor?  It’s true. Not one.  La Guardia - Jewish. Dinkins - Jewish.  Giuliani - a Jew. 

People are saying I am anti-Semitic but I am not. I am telling the truth, but my reputation has been ruined by Jewish journalists who took my comments out of context.

Do you think I am anti-Semitic? Will people ever stop saying that I am?

Moh. Mah.

Ps – Are you Jewish?


Dear Moh. Mah.,

Not that I enjoy being the bearer of bad news, but I think your international importance ranks somewhere above the mayor of Kuala Lumpur and below the mayor of Paris.

That said, I hold your political significance in much greater esteem than I do your erudition.  Your doctorate isn’t in history, is it?  Where I come from, theories as novel as yours are usually referred to as “crackpot”. 

The fact that Steven Spielberg once stayed at the White House only means that the last president was a celebrity hound with an addiction to pecuniary stimulants. As for Prime Minister Koizumi’s hairdresser, only he knows for sure.

I know it’s fashionable in some quarters to assert that Jews rule the world, but if the examples you give are the best proof you can provide, you’d better reconsider. Hitler did not have a Jewish doctor. You’re thinking of the Spanish court. While the little corporal may have scarfed up a magic mushroom or two, nobody hypnotized him into losing the war. He did it all by himself.

Do I think you’re an anti-Semite? Nah. Any schnook can see that when you say Jews are descended from apes and pigs you’re expressing your affection for these excellent but unappreciated animals. Don’t let anyone make you ashamed of being anti-Semitic, either - Muslims need a reason to get out of bed in the morning, just like everybody else.

By the way, you don’t have to be Jewish to recognize the stench of anti-Semitism, but it helps.  Jews understand your kind of benevolent criticism the way deer understand the first day of hunting season.

Will people ever stop calling you an anti-Semite?  When pigs fly.

Good luck and God bless.

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