Robert Jensen (firstname.lastname@example.org) is a journalism professor at the University of Texas at Austin. He is also the author of Citizens of the Empire: The Struggle to Claim Our Humanity. In an article written for The Austin American Statesman, Jensen recently claimed that “The United States has lost the war in Iraq, and that's a good thing.”
While Jensen was careful to say that the loss of American lives is not to be celebrated, he insulted our soldiers deeply by saying that their deaths “haven't protected Americans or brought freedom to Iraqis.” Instead, he brushed off their service to our country as merely part of “a quest to extend the American empire.”
In his article, Jensen proudly states, “I welcome the U.S. defeat.” He also says “it's essential the American empire be defeated and dismantled.” Why? Because, according to Jensen, “In Iraq, the Bush administration invaded not to liberate but to extend and deepen U.S. domination.” He also says that the invasion of Iraq is “about control over the flow of oil and oil profits,” though he concedes that it is not about outright ownership of Iraqi oil.
According to Professor Jensen, “When we admit defeat and pull out - not if, but when - the fate of Iraqis depends in part on whether the United States (1) makes good on legal and moral obligations to pay reparations, and (2) allows international institutions to aid in creating a truly sovereign Iraq.”
According to Jensen, “we shouldn't expect politicians to do either without pressure. An anti-empire movement - the joining of antiwar forces with the movement to reject corporate globalization - must create that pressure.” After reminding us that he is “glad for the U.S. military defeat in Iraq,” Jensen says that we should pursue “the most courageous act of citizenship in the United States today: Pledging to dismantle the American empire.”
When I was first sent a copy of Jensen’s article, I was flabbergasted. I immediately tried to think of ways I could oppose the professor in his efforts to demoralize our troops and defeat our nation in a time of war. But, now, I’ve had a change of heart.
As of today, I hereby announce the establishment of the new Robert Jensen Deportation Fund. Once the fund has enough money to buy Jensen a one-way ticket to Iraq, we can contact Iraqi insurgents to let them know he is on his way to help defeat our troops.
Based upon my reading of Jensen’s work, I can tell that he is a brave revolutionary warrior. There is no sense in keeping him here in the evil American Empire, seething with anger against our troops. We should do everything within our power to help him bravely face those troops in combat. After all, he is the one who says that we should be “courageous” and “dismantle the American empire.” I look forward to seeing him face off against some of the Marines that he has tried to demoralize with his anti-American rhetoric. Good luck, Professor.
Who knows what will happen after Professor Jensen is deported to engage his enemies (the Americans) in combat in Iraq? I don’t want him to die because, as Jensen says, the loss of American lives is not to be celebrated. If our Marines capture him, perhaps they could just dress him in a pink Burqua and send him across enemy lines for a lesson on tolerance and diversity in the Middle East.
It is no laughing matter when we imagine the outrage Jensen’s diatribe must bring to the hearts of the brave men and women who serve in Iraq. They risk their lives to preserve our constitutional rights. Sadly, some will die preserving a coward’s perceived right to commit treason.